Once Again, I Find Myself Astonished That Life Can Be So Precious And Boring At The Same Time
By Brian Polk
Art by Creatickle
Published Issue 136, April 2025
I Always Thought The Band Oasis Was A Lot Like Olives: I Simply Cannot Understand How Anyone Could Enjoy Them
Every three years or so, I act in the interest of open-mindedness. I think, Maybe I simply haven’t given olives or the song “Wonderwall” enough of a chance. I mean, there must be something to it, because everyone I know seems to like them. And so I will try olives, and I will listen to Oasis. And inevitably I come to the same conclusion: no, it’s not me. Everyone else is wrong. At least now when people ask, “But have you tried to like [either Oasis or olives]?” I can say, “I tried. Believe me, I tried. But there is nothing remotely good about either of them. Olives leave a terrible taste in my mouth, and Oasis leaves a boring ringing in my ears. So no thank you to either.”
I Am Alone And Unloveable, And Other Adventures In Modern Dating
When you’re texting a new crush, and she doesn’t text back right away, do you overanalyze every word and overthink every negative way she could interpret the text you sent? And you admonish yourself for being an awkward idiot who doesn’t deserve love and will die miserable and alone. And then when she finally responds with “lol” or a heart, you finally relax and realize you should stop blowing everything out of proportion, because it’s just so taxing — and really, you don’t deserve to be treated the way you treat yourself sometimes. But then you send another text that isn’t returned right away, and you once again panic. Over and over. And over again. Has that ever happened to you?
I Don’t Wear All Black Because I’m Sad, I Do It Because I’m Messy
Well, you wonder why I always dress in black. Why you never see bright colors on my back? I do it because I can’t seem to keep food on the fork when I’m eating. I also have issues drinking — not with alcohol, mind you — but with delivering liquids safely from the cup into my mouth. Then there’s ink, blood, wet paint, grass, etc. I’ve been stained by just about everything. And since I’ve been involved with the punk scene for decades, I’ve always had a very close proximity to black clothing. As such, I soon realized that if I just donned darkness from head to toe, no one would know that I am, at all times, a mess. I’m pretty smart like that.
What Is Today Again?
Hey, does anyone remember what day it is? I lost track at some point. Yeah, I know I could look at my phone, but I was hoping you knew it off the top of your head so you could just tell me. No, I don’t care what the date is. I’m more interested in the day of the week. I feel like it should be Tuesday or Wednesday, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was Thursday. What? Monday? Are you kidding me? Holy shit, it’s going to be a long week.
The Odds That I Exist On This Planet Are So Infinitesimally Small, It’s A Miracle I’m Even Here. Also, I Am Bored
The fact that my ancestors lived long enough to reproduce, the chance that all of them even met each other to begin with, the even smaller odds that the exact sperm met the exact egg demonstrates that I shouldn’t even be here. And that’s not even mentioning how extremely rare it is that life exists on this planet — much less on any planet in this universe. Every human being, every plant and animal — it’s amazing that anything or anyone is here at all! But of course, once the novelty of this train of thought wears off, I can’t help but slip back into my normal day-to-day routine, which is both difficult and soul-crushingly boring. I work, eat, sleep and repeat. Nothing excites me. Yeah, it’s a near miracle I’m even here, but what has life done for me lately? I’m going to go get drunk.
Brian Polk is a Denver-based writer, publisher of The Yellow Rake, and drummer for Joy Subtraction and Simulators. He’s the author of Placement of Character and Turning Failure into Ideology. He likes writing, muck raking, yellow journalism, zines not blogs, cheap booze and punk rock.
Pam Topper aka Creatickle is a Portland-based artist specializing in handmade midcentury dollhouse miniatures. As a very nostalgic person and one who loves working with her hands, she’s been making miniatures since 2019 when she started recreating scenes from her childhood home and other places she was unable to visit again. She uses real vintage materials in most of her projects as a way to prolong their lifespan as much as possible. She does not use a laser cutter or 3D print anything. Everything in her store is handmade by her. Check out more of her work on Instagram and on Etsy.
Check out Brian’s March issue install, Never Ahead, Never Behind, Never Said, Never Mind, and Creatickle’s previous mini art, the companion to Brian’s, That’s Not Helpful and Other Words Of Advice, or head to our Explore section to see more of their work.