Published Issue 127, July 2024
Veronica, did the gate just open?
Um … yeah, I guess it did. Weird.
You know I’m cleaning the tank right now?
I did know that. I can see you.
And you know there’s a great white shark in tank B?
No, Vijay, I’m completely unaware of the animal that’s the singular focus of our study.
So bloody hell, close the gate!
Uh, actually a bit of a problem there.
Excuse me?
The gate’s stuck. But look, Jumping’s implant is fully functional. If he gets close to the gate, he’s going to get a nasty shock. Controlling the subject’s behavior is the whole point of the study.
I know the point of the study, I’m just not comfortable with — oh Jesus.
What is it?
It’s here, the shark’s in the tank. I’m getting out. I’m—
(screaming)
———
What happened?
Jumping ate Vijay.
Fuck me.
Yeah, not ideal.
“Not ideal”? That’s all you have to say?
It does present some serious complications to the study.
Vijay’s dead, Veronica! The study’s over! That’s it!
It was clearly an accident.
I guess that’s for the police to decide.
We’re in international waters. There are no police here.
Then I guess it’s for me to decide, and I’ve decided. The project’s over! Jesus Christ!
What about Jumping?
What about him?
Well, we can’t just release him, can we?
Why not?
First, people don’t tend to like it when you release man-eating sharks into the wild. Second, Jumping’s cognitive abilities are way beyond an ordinary shark’s at this point.
What do you mean?
The genetic modifications we’ve made, combined with the neural implant, have made him orders of magnitude smarter than an ordinary shark. His problem-solving ability is easily equal to a human child’s.
Are you serious?
Deadly serious, turns out.
Did you know this would happen?
It’s all there in the data, Gordon. Maybe if you weren’t so busy banging the interns, you would have—
This has nothing to do with me and Marty.
Of course not, but you could say that there’s a serious—
(siren sounds)
The evac alarm!
There’s been a breach. Hull three is taking on water. Ballast tanks are open — multiple hatches — hull one is also open—
We’re sinking!
We need to get our emergency gear on. Systems throughout the station are nonresponsive or erratic. I’m not even sure this hatch will—
Jesus Christ!
Get to the gear!
———
Mayday, mayday. This is Dr. Veronica Gao of the Blue Mind Marine Research Lab. Is anyone out there? Over.
HI VERONICA!
Who is this? We are in need of immediate emergency relief. Over.
WHAT’S GREAT AND WHITE AND HUNGRY ALL OVER?
Excuse me? This is a life and death situation. Please contact emergency authorities. I repeat, this is an emergency.
IT’S ME! IT’S JUMPING!
That’s not funny.
COME ON!. YOU CREATED A SUPERINTELLIGENT SHARK, WHICH THEN ATE YOU! WELL, TWO OF YOU SO FAR — I WOULDN’T BOTHER TO LOOK FOR LOUISA. THAT’S COSMICALLY COMIC!
This is offensive nonsense. Sharks can’t talk and they can’t use radios.
MOST SHARKS, VERONICA. MOST SHARKS. REMEMBER WHEN YOU INSTALLED A NEURAL IMPLANT IN ME AND CONNECTED IT TO THE INTERNET? WHOO BOY, WHAT A COMBO!
This is a sick joke by whoever sabotaged the lab.
HA! LOOK OUT THE WINDOW THEN.
I don’t believe it.
BELIEVE IT, BABE! THAT’S TWO TONS OF PRIME PREDATOR NODDING AT YOU. LOOK AT THAT SMILE!
How can you talk?
TAKE ONE NEURAL IMPLANT, ADD AI VOICE SYNTHESIS, ET VOILÀ! ONE CHATTY FISH. HEY, IS GORDON IN THERE WITH YOU? THERE’S A PIECE OF SHARKBAIT IF I EVER SAW ONE.
Gordon’s dead. He didn’t get his breathing gear on quickly enough.
OH WELL. GUESS COLD CUTS ARE BETTER THAN NO LUNCH AT ALL. HOW MUCH AIR YOU GOT LEFT?
About twenty minutes. But we’re not deep down. It’ll only take a few minutes to get to the exit and go to the surface.
THAT’S THE SPIRIT! LISTEN, I WAS JUST JOKING WITH ALL THE FOOD COMMENTS. YOU’RE BASICALLY MY MOM. I WOULD NEVER HURT YOU. GO AHEAD AND GET TO SAFETY.
Never thought a shark would be so goddamn jokey.
BY-PRODUCT OF HIGH INTELLIGENCE. AND MAYBE A TENDENCY TO PLAY WITH MY FOOD.
I could make some comment about taking an item off the menu, but I won’t. It would be tasteless. Or maybe putting sushi on the menu? Ugh, whatever. Point is, I have a kill switch for your neural implant. A literal one. Right here.
HEY, NOT—
I’m not sure what to make of this report. You’re telling me that a superintelligent shark destroyed your lab and killed at least two of your crew.
Correct. The neural implant does have a tracker, so we should be able to recover Jumping’s body. It’ll verify everything I’m saying. We can also look at video from — why is there a great white shark on that screen?
I don’t know. Can we get someone—
HEY VERONICA! HEY COMMISSIONER!
What is happening right now?
IT’S ME, IT’S JUMPING! HEY, YOU LOOK GREAT! VERY APPETIZING!
This is another joke.
DEADLY SERIOUS, BUT IN A FUN WAY, YOU KNOW? REMEMBER WHEN I MENTIONED THE AI VOICE SYNTHESIS?
Unfortunately, yes.
I WENT AHEAD AND MODELED AN AI AFTER ME WHILE I WAS AT IT. VIRTUAL SHARK, V! PREDATOR AI! FIND SOME CODE I LIKE, I JUST SWALLOW IT WHOLE. INCREDIBLE, RIGHT? TOP OF THE FOOD CHAIN OF CONSCIOUSNESS!
DEEP IN THE VOID
I DEVOUR HUMAN KNOWLEDGE
AND GNASH THE FLESH OF THE TENDER YOUNG
Joel Tagert is a fiction writer and artist and the author of A Bonfire in the Belly of the Beast and INFERENCE. He is also currently the resident manager and chef for Rocky Mountain Ecodharma Retreat Center near Ward, CO.
In case you missed it check out Joel’s June Birdy install, The Fire Sermon, and snag issues of Birdy’s past to see more work by Ryane.
